Sunday, November 05, 2006

Why Taken Men Flirt

Dear Dating Doctor:

My question, rather problem, is this . . . why is it that my friend's husbands or boyfriends are always hitting on me behind their backs. I do not do anything to contribute or promote this behavior, so why is it happening?


Dear Miranda:

Get out your pad or lap top and take a few notes. First off, these men are completely dishonest and must feel as if they can flirt with you. Even though you expressed that you are "doing nothing to contribute to the problem," they obviously feel secure enough with you to make such a move. They evidently have no fear that you will "give them up" or they are so taken by you that they simply don't care if you do.

A second reason you get hit on is that you are available and they are not. What do men want more than anything else in the world? That which they cannot have. You may also posses qualities and characteristics that are lacking in their spouses or significant others.

The passion may be gone or dying in their present relationships and you may ignite some kind of "emotion or passion" in them. Some men may use you as a barometer to see "if they still have it" (if they ever really had "it" in the first place!). Nothing is stronger than a male ego in need of a jump start.

These men may be in unhealthy relationships and want out, but are unable to find the proper way to "escape" or repair their damaged relationship. You may be exhibiting signs (intentionally or unwittingly) that you are receptive to their advances. It is a natural human reaction to be flattered when someone shows an interest in you. Engaging with these men in excessive eye contact, smiling or banter may be giving them all the hope they need.

Where and when are you speaking to these men without their partners present? The more you increase the odds of this happening by allowing yourself to be alone with them, the greater the chance that it will happen.

Without knowing you, I would venture to say that you are a young, attractive, outgoing, warm and compassionate woman --all qualities that would attract such men. I would also presume that many of these flirting men got married or committed at a young age and are now restless. Remember this, if a man does cheat on a woman the odds are extremely favorable that he will repeat the behavior again.

Spend more time with your significant other (If you have one. If you don't that might be part of the problem!). If you truly want the behavior to cease, make it clear to them that their advances are unwelcome, that you have no interest in them, and reduce the number of opportunities they have to flirt with you. If not, get ready to make a list of the worst pick-up lines in history.

Making Relationships Matter: Nine Ways to Stay in Love for Life